my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
