Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
