Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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