this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize