Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
