She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
