the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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