I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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