Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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