i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
