***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
