can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
