I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
