Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
