So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
