It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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