Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
