Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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