just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
