he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
