Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
