i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
