i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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