gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
