You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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