my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
