i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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