the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
