I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
