i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
