doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
