i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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