just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
