i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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