kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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