Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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