I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
