I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
