I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
