i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
