good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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