I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
