literally had 100 drinks last night.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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