im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
