I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
