How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
