I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
