it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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