I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
