Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize