I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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