she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".