So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...