M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit