she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.