The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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