we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
