It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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