I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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