Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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