if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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