She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
