Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
