Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
