Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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