I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
