And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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