C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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