If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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