Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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