Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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