First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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