Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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