I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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