We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
