Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
