I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
