Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
