she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
