whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
